Weeding

If you ever need a big dose of God, just weed your garden. Every time I weed the garden, I come face to face with my own "weeds" and today was no exception.

I've been having a big 'ole pity party for myself recently. Last semester I was semi-employed by supervising student teachers for a local university. It was total of like 20 hours for the entire semester but it was just enough. Just enough to get me out of the house and doing something that I love, just enough hours that I could mostly work around the weekdays that Sean had off, just enough spending money, and way too perfect flexibility. Needless to say, it was the perfect set-up for a "retired" teacher and stay-at-home mom. However... the state is cutting education funding and they could not hire me back this semester. I have been disappointed and just really bummed about this whole situation recently. I've been mopey and crabby at home and haven't been much fun for my husband or my son. I can't explain it but I really loved this little outlet. I feel very called to be home with Cooper and not teach full time during this season of my life but I've felt restless at home lately, wishing there was more than vacuuming, and building block castles, and going grocery shopping, and weeding...

Back to the weeding. In our garden we have a random petunia growing that we did not plant. It's very out of place but pretty, so we've just left it to grow there among the lilies. There was a stubborn and very long weed growing near the petunia today. When I pulled the weed, out popped part of the roots of the petunia as well. Immediately some of the little blossoms closed up and looked like it was just immediately dying.

Well, this petunia got me to thinking about myself. I have been like this petunia recently. I have been all wrapped up in the "weeds" of my thoughts. MY discontentment, MY restlessness. I watched that petunia today and realized something. I realized that when the weeds are pulled out, it takes a little bit of dying of one's self before you can fully grasp the good soil with your whole being and flourish unhindered by the weeds that were wrapping themselves around your roots - your very source of life. Just like the petunia, I have had a little dying of myself today. I've called to the surface all of those selfish, mopey, crabby thoughts and threw them out of the garden. I've also had the opportunity to really grasp the Good Soil with my thoughts about being home for this season. Not that I've got it all figured out and that those stubborn weeds won't grow back but today, my garden has been cleared of those pesky weeds.

Now, if I could just figure out how to "weed" my thoughts without having to actually weed the garden...